Parenting - Challenges and Uncertainty "Our Children Belong"

Before our young people can begin to realize or understand who they aspire to be or even envision themselves as they will most likely mimic others. This intrinsic behavior is common in our society. As parents, we want to mold, shape, or guide them in ways that seem right to us. We want to steer them away from the mistakes we've made. However, they see us for who we are in real time. Unfortunately, they sometimes see us behaving in ways we advise against. We also make the mistake of not listening to them. "We are not your friends" they are told, "we are your parents". We don't have to agree with what you say. You just need to listen to us. Until we listen attentively to what they are in fact saying, we'll never understand what went wrong. We must hear exactly what they're saying in order to guide them. Not hearing is the same as not knowing the water is way too deep and then proceeding to jump in anyway. Right guidance and, right instructions can only be given with the right knowledge. I hear you say, the water is too deep. I totally ignore that fact and proceed to tell you about how safe shallow water is. Listening to our young people's struggles is half the battle. When we listen, we know what they are thinking, their opinions, and more importantly, how to redirect their train of thought. Our children belong. They, like most people in our society, are faced with constant change. The space that they are in, is theirs. Their voices matter. We must not make them feel judged. Good directions come from a place of love, recognizing that we, too, belong.

When our young people's voices cannot be heard only judged, they tend to move towards those who do hear them. And when they do, they hear the good or bad influences imposed by those who listen. Their intent is to steer them away from the truth. Dear parents let your child know their voice is important, to you. They will be more apt to talk freely and openly as a direct result. More importantly, they will listen to your advice.

I know how to step back and allow my adult children to be adults regardless of their choices and the results. It is sometimes necessary for us as parents to find our own way and stop trying to forge the path for our children. They will follow our lead, or perhaps they will embrace paths we feared to. It's their choice. They are no longer tethered to our side. Each journey we take in life leads to new possibilities and new discoveries. Just think, how would 15-year-old you see you today? Would you be willing to follow your lead? Would see yourself as never achieving your goals in life? Do you feel you have achieved your true purpose for being? Would you be elated and overjoyed about every choice you made during the course of your life? Would there be regret? Longing? Did you end up where the 15-year-old you were headed? It may feel like you are abandoning your baby in the stroller by giving them space and time to grow. You won't be. There are risks. However, finding the ways and means of guiding them while simultaneously allowing them the freedom to explore life's unique pathways - the path created by God for them can be very challenging. Growth comes as a result of experiencing difficulties and diversity. The risks are real, challenges will come and go, and life holds uncertainty. Don't give up on them. Don't quit. Do your best. With the help of God, you will find the end results offer so much more than you could have ever conceived.

Written by Adrienne Vanterpool in support of Hanifah Talks and https://peninsulainterfaithcc.com/

What You Should Know Before You Say

I do. Marriage is a commitment. It is not a one-sided commitment. This is a mutual commitment that both parties make in the knowledge that this is potentially a lifetime commitment. This concept ensures you a successful marriage. Not perfect, successful. Your forever person comes with flaws. We each have our own set of bandages that are unpacked over the years. As we let down our guard and remove our masks, we reveal our true selves. We become vulnerable. However, we should not use our partners' vulnerability as a weapon against them. But rather as an opportunity to let down our guard as well. When we marry someone, we are engaging in a relationship with a whole person. A complete person. One that experiences joy, sadness, pain, disappointment, elation, gratitude, and pride. All expressed in their own weird, quirky, and often surprising ways. These traits are accompanied by entire families. In-laws who will often welcome us or completely turn their back on us. Let's not forget we too have families who will either love or hate the person we have chosen to marry. These all present just a fraction of the issues newlyweds face.

Before you put a "ring on it". Before you say, "I do". How well do you really know your partner? Dating can be frightening. We want to put our best foot forward. We dreg letting someone really get to know who we really are for fear they may or may not stick around. So, up pops our representative saying all the right words and behaving their best to win you over. Have you ever heard a newlywed say, "I never knew or saw this behavior before we got married"? Often shortly after the honeymoon feeling bewildered and ready to call it off. 

Every relationship takes time, valuable time. Spend it well. Get to know the person you are in a relationship with thoroughly. Don't make assumptions, ask questions and listen for the answers. The most important thing is to hear what another person is saying. Not what you think they are saying. There can be a huge disparity in what you think they said as opposed to what is really being said. Don't be afraid to ask again for the sake of clarity. Be deliberate and intentional during your discussions. Better now than finding out later you have real compatibility issues that cannot be resolved through marriage counseling.

Is your partner a team player? Does he or she have a poor credit history? Are they honest and transparent? What are their views - politically, economically, religiously, and so on? This all matter. Couples that marry become families. Your forever person's opinions and ideologies play an important role in raising children. Do you want children? Do they? These questions all seem like pushing the envelope off the table during the dating stage. However, when your relationship grows beyond the casual dating point, they all need to be addressed. We are talking about your future and the type of lifestyle in intend to live.

Written by Adrienne Vanterpool in support of Hanifah Talks and https://peninsulainterfaithcc.com/

MAKE HAJJ AND REACH SALVATION